There are times when I wish I had a personal assistant who was a  documentary film-maker or writer.  (Obviously, there are times when I just wish I had a personal assistant!)  At the end of most days, Kopila  and I sit and chat over a chiya and she shares so many stories.  I wish I had a way to channel the power of these stories.  To use then to bring changes in the stories for the women they are about.  Some are stories of triumph, some of horror, of desperation, some of resilience.  Through all my years of being with these women I guess one of the things I learn is that nothing is simple.  And that they are so very vulnerable.I remember years ago when we first involved with Sonrisa, the orphanage in Kathmandu, and I heard that some of the children were orphans (Nepal defines the term a little differently to us) because after their father had died, their mother remarried someone who didn't want the children of her first marriage.  In my naivety, I wondered how a woman could do that.  I realise now that she probably had no choice.  In a culture where arranged marriages are still the norm, so many of the ladies at Samunnat have been forced into marriages by their parents who were worried about how they would cope as single women with children.  The parents fear that as women who have been married, their options will be limited so that they had better marry them off fast to whoever seems vaguely suitable.  For many of the women we work with, the suitability was not even that vague but they had no choice.  After their marriage they were beaten or trafficked.  And leaving would bring shame to their parents and effect the marriage prospects of their younger sisters.  The pressure NOT to leave is HUGE.I am not saying arranged marriages don't work and we met many loving and devoted couples in Nepal who began their marriage as  total strangers introduced to each other by the fixing uncle.  Like love marriages they sometimes work.  And...like love marriages, they sometimes don't. Many of our ladies didn't know that their new husband was already married until they arrived at the marital home after the wedding and met the family. So then I wondered about how parents could be so seemingly quick to marry their daughters to eminently unsuitable, ultimately violent or disturbed men.  How could they not see that this was a con and their daughters were going to be trafficked?  That if it sounded too good to be true, it very probably was? Part of the issue is that life for a single woman in Nepal is extremely hard.  She usually has no income source and often her parents can't afford to support her and her children.  Re-marriage is the best option.  A man can arrive in a hired car and show her father/ uncle a block of land he claims is his and if you are really worried that your daughter hasn't got many options, you really want to believe this may be the lifeline you are looking for.  There are many campaigns now about being more selective and taking care when you choose your daughter's partners but desperate poverty and wise decisions don't always go together.  (The posters in the photos are on the highway and warn "Be Careful")A woman in Nepal, especially outside Kathmandu, has so little choice.  So few options.  Many endure years and years of torture and abuse to allow their children to get through school and college.  They only approach Samunnat when their children are less dependent and even then they must endure shame and scorn as they have to publicly explain why they are leaving.It takes so much courage for these woman to question, to leave, to even think about living alone.  Having an income source gives her some choices. This is why I am so passionate about what Samunnat is doing in helping these women to have that.  Kopila and I talk and she shares about the (sometimes tiny) changes in legislation and law that mean that slowly, slowly (boy, I hear this phrase a lot) things will improve for the women.  These stories are women I know and love and their courage and determination is so humbling and inspiring for me.Mmmm.  This was going to be a post about my Saturday trip to Kalikasthan.  That will have to wait.  But here is a photo of the peaceful and serene tea gardens.  The visit was to the home of one of our wonderful women who has so much courage, who did leave a dreadful situation and who now lives alone with her son and is a highly respected member of her community.  She and Kopila helped her father to understand why she had to leave, and that she could survive and now he advocates for women in their community, telling them that they don't have to put up with violence, or being a second wife.  He introduces them to his daughter.  And sends them with her to Samunnat.