Please read through the entire post before making any judgements or deciding I am out of my tree. You may well still decide that, but it will be a more informed decision.
It was somewhat tragic, that mid Saturday morning, with half an hour to go before we left for the highlight of the Broken Hill Racing Calendar, St. Pat’s races, I was trying to talk myself out of plastering one more bust. I had exercised, squeezed fresh orange juice, emptied the Bokashi ( a stinky multi step task), lovingly prepared two mandala like fruity platters, made earrings to match my necklace and done some urgent emails. And then wondered if I could do a bust before we left. This is not boastful. This is SAD.
The REAL tragedy is that, instead of saying Get a grip girl, how sustainable is this I reasoned that, while I couldn’t plaster a bust, I could papier mache the final layer on one already plastered. I won’t go into what I wore to do this as the task was sandwiched between my shower and getting dressed for the races. He who was tempted to capture this moment for posterity fortunately understands that anything involving Instagram and underwear is a deal breaker.
Other slightly driven people Some of you know that too many days like this are followed by those inert, can’t be buggered, fall into a heap type days. And I share this, not to show how much I could cram into a morning but to confess my greed. I need to re-embrace the concept of enough with respect to time. I struggle to balance a sense of making the most of every moment, living authentically and generously, with a constant sense of never having enough time to do the things I want to do. And therein lies the issue. Putting it simply, I am very, very greedy. There is so much I want to do in whatever time I have left.
It means that contentment is elusive.
When I am doing yoga, for example, I think I should be doing a piece for my exhibition. When I am working on an exhibition piece, I am thinking I should be updating the Samunnat etsy shop. While studying Nepali, I’m thinking I should be doing yoga. When I’m blogging I feel bad about not doing Nepali. I was losing sight of enough. Then, with that serendipity that stops you in your tracks sometimes, Marianne Elliott (whom I have raved on about ad nauseum to some of you) wrote about just that. Enough.
There is so much in her post that is worth reading (On her whole site actually, just get thee hither and read). A year ago, I discovered Marianne as a result of enrolling in one of her 30 Days of Yoga course. I enrolled because I felt like I didn’t have time to do yoga. And because I was theoretically passionate about a regular yoga practice. I knew it would help with psychological scattiness and physical stiffness. I was really, really doubtful that I would be able to sustain a practice because I’d tried many times in the past. I’d loved attending classes in Nepal but didn’t have that luxury here and thought I’d fail without my twice weekly Narayan sessions. Much to my surprise, and because of her very gentle, supportive approach, one year down the track I still HAVE a regular practice and it means I do at least think before I hurtle too far down the I CAN NEVER DO ENOUGH track.
I’d write more but this is already a long post. I’d happily burble on to anyone who wanted to know about the course and the links above give heaps of information. I have not forgotten my Monday Mindfulness post and have one prepared but…you know what? This is enough for now.